In the few years before I gave birth to Quinn (4.5 yrs old now) I spent a lot of time stressed out and depressed that I couldn’t seem to “get my shit together” like my peers. I grew up doing theatre where every 6 weeks my life would drastically change, starting from the time I was about 4. Add that to constantly changing step fathers and houses and schools, the only consistancy was inconsistancy and the only routine being spontinaity. Did I (do I) have a chemical issue or was it (is it) all environmental? Who knows. The truth is I still have days where I am so overwhelmed by all that needs to be done that nothing gets accomplished except feeding the kids. And often times those days end in me being depressed about my lack of stick-to-itivness to “get my shit together”. In my case, I was always treated for depression issues rather than for ADD. I sometimes think that the former is more often caused by the later, than people just having depression issues alone. Who knows… I have been med free for almost five years, this being the longest stretch of med free time in my life.

Honestly, having kids has grounded me a lot. Not that I am suggesting to anyone to have children to overcome or to learn to cope with ADD or any other sort of thing. My kids were both surprises. But I have to admit there is a true sence of accomplishment from sticking with something long term and seeing it through (yes, I know I have years of the parenting process left) that I had never felt before in my life.

I think it is just a different way of being wired… At any rate, Matt, you are fabulous. I like to look at it like this… would you rather read a book about our lives (ADD ish type) or about the lives of the 40 hour a week mundane types? We would be on the best sellers list for a reason…

Vanessa

It is very comforting to know that while I may be lonely, I’m not alone.

My little sister is in the 4th grade. My sister is A___ D___ D___, but my parents worried more about how it was affecting her socially than academically. When she was intent on telling a story or a joke, she would interrupt or speak too loudly, never realizing how much it annoyed her friends. After a few years of talking to counselors and trying all sorts of organizational techniques, my mother and horrible step-father finally and reluctantly decided to try medication. My sister, who once fell into my lap and cried over her inability to make herself do what she knew was productive, was very enthusiastic. It’s done wonders, but no one in the family sees it as fixing a broken child. More like taking vitamin supplements – a small chemical change to help her over the biggest hills. She can tackle the little ones on her own.

adamantly droning days
absolutely damned diligence
acumen dearth dilemma

Not a rant, but thought I’d clarify a few things. For what it’s worth (and that ain’t much) I’m a PhD student in psychology, which by no means makes me an expert, but does however, mean that I have had extensive training in psychopathology, including how to diagnose and treat all kinda maladies of the mind, among them ADHD.

ADD is *not* a form of learning disability in the strict sense, although many people mistakenly regard it as such – mostly because it can have such a drastic negative impact on learning if left untreated. Under current diagnostic guidelines, there is no formal diagnosis of “ADD” anymore; several years ago, it was traded in in favor of the cocktail term “Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder” with several subtypes. There is a form of the disorder which is *not* characterized by hyperactivity. In other words, you can have ADHD, Predominantly Inattentive Type and have no appreciably different profile of hyperactivity than someone without ADHD. So, this can still be the right diagnosis for you even if you’re not bouncing off the walls and/or never have been.

For sure, everyone has difficulty in managing the minutia of everyday crap. The difference for the ADHDer is that there is a persistent pattern of problems doing so that SIGNIFICANTLY impacts two or more areas of his/her life (social, school, work, home, etc) and the problems aren’t attributable to something else going on – such as, as in Matt’s example, the period directly after the death of a parent when one is in bereavement. A lot of people’s lives go to crap when that kinda thing happens. Usually though, people with ADHD have a long history of having symptoms (read: they’ve been this way since birth, or at least, as long as anyone can remember)… even though, to complicate the issue further, nearly 15% of cases of ADHD are due to mild brain injury and so are “acquired.” So, the symptoms of the non-hyperactive form can include (but are not limited to): often failing to pay close attention to details, often having difficulty sustaining atttention, often failing to follow through on projects or to finish duties, often avoiding/dislike for tasks that require sustained mental effort, often losing things necessary to accomplish tasks, often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli… ad nauseum.

Still with me? Yeah, this is kinda tedious, sorry. :/ Adults who are successful at managing their ADHD often find ways “around” the problems where they’re most troublesome. I’ve “prescribed” an organizational system or a palm-device for clients as a place to start, for example. Meds work really well for some and do nothing for others. Cognitive Behavior therapy has been shown to be really effective in many cases, as well. But this isn’t ever going to go away completely.

Finding the right “fit” in the world for the way your brain works and how you do things is huge here, in terms of being “successful” (however one defines that) but more importantly, happy and well-adjusted. Being in a rock band suits you, Matt, whereas working behind a desk for 10 hrs a day, surrounded by non-creative types, looking at the same four walls for 40 or so years woulda been, well, not a good choice. But bottom line is, thats all *any* of us is after… trying to find our place in the world, where we can do our thing and feel good at the end of the day, and perhaps not make the lives of everyone around us a living hell. Labels and meds and therapy and symptoms and bullshit aside, it really is all about niche-finding. And even if the keys thing is a hassle sometimes or you’ve got a pile of crap you haven’t done since Clinton was in office… you might at least revel in the fact that you know what you love and that you’re good at it. And have a dozen or so projects going to get at *being* it in another form. More to love, man. And the cream will likely rise to the top…

In the end, thanks for making your contribution to *my* life… even if mine here might have come off sanctimonious and snobby.

Peace.

In response particularly to your first paragraph, my thoughts too are that everyone has those troubles of fidgiting/overwhealmity/hyper focus/distraction.
And personally I completely relate with every other symptom you listed that you experience. My mother, too, likes to remind me that I wasn’t a hyperactive child, and that I’m often calm and quiet. I try to explain to her that “ADD” comes from inside emotions and ever-bumbling thoughts, and some people have better control over themselves and their actions than others. While it may be obvious that someone has it, someone else who does too doesn’t necessarily quite show it.
But I never had productive organizational skills, functional listening skills, and the ability to get up and get going, and well, if I do at any point have those skills, they’re not consistent. For example, my room can’t stay “clean” for more than a few days. Sometimes I believe that the condition of my room when it’s untidy is a reflection of my thought-filled, overwhealmed mind. Yes, meds help some “symptoms” of ADD such my unability to focus so that I can pick up all the crap I throw on my floor throughout the week. But I don’t take my medication as often as I want to, either.
Well anyway one of my teachers noticed that I always came up with (original and creative, but incorrect) answers on reading comprehension tests I took in her class. My grades weren’t very high (and didn’t improve much with help,) and she eventually decided to refer me to get tested for a learning disability. Schools can’t diagnose students with anything without a real doctor, so the result of said learning disability tests suggested I see one to discuss diagnosis of ADD. I actually wasn’t aware ADD was considered a learning disability.
But my conclusion is that those who are Agressivly Dressed Dandy really just do simply have a different way of thinking. People like you and I can put ourselves in other peoples’ *shoes* and look at things from other points of view, but the initial way we think of things is just different, like we use a different part of our brain or something. Isn’t that a type of genius??
This quality of us can be a good thing, like for writing stories or comming up with a unique webpage design. Or in winning a debate because we can look at things from different angles and find loopholes in the opposing side’s evidence, thus using that to make our side’s argument stronger.
Somewhere in the middle of your post, you (mentioning Thom H.’s theory) said that ADD is a different way of thinking and I know that that’s so true. So why is it that we’re diagnosed with something that’s considered a disorder? I mean, why is anything initially incongruent to society a disorder?

(Yep, that /was/ long.)

P.S.
I second ‘Mac on the fabulousness of Wardie’s site.

i also blame my own quirks that some people might associate with add (i have never thought i am) with the fact that i’m a gemini, and geminis are easily distracted, creative people who have to have a million things going on in order to get anything done. that explains me, and though i don’t really even believe in astrology, that little description is enough to keep me happy, knowing there are others out there like me.

amorously dynamic daddy-o’s.